0:00 - You will need to include studio and distributor idents at the start. Your first titles should reflect this (so, for example, "Warner Bros presents" and then "A so-and-so film"
0:06 - What sound are you intending to use? Music, voiceover, combination of both?
0:20 - I would make the fades to and from black slightly longer. You also need to think about the other production credits you are going to use and where they are going to go
0:30 - if you are going to use (for example) the short flashes to solarization etc. you need to make more of them and they need to be emphasised on the soundtrack, otherwise they look a bit sloppy
0:39 - I'm not sure the lighting effect works because of the way the camera moves. Why are you using this effect? Is there another way of achieving the same goal?
0:47 - fade through black or through white? I think you need to be consistent with this. I also think the fades need to be longer. You need to find some appropriate (c) free music to create the requisite mood
1:05 - the editing here is a little sloppy (for example, at about 0:58 with the camera move or the jump-cut at about 1:04), unless you are going for an expressionistic/ jarring quality. Again, you are going to have to clean up the sound (for example, the click at about 0:50, the "go" at about 1:00, the wind in the background).
1:13 - I think you would be better advised to find a different way of cutting between the "past" and the present - the fade through white is a little cliched.
1:30 - You've not really got a huge variety of shots so far - everything has been medium/ medium cu (mostly, effectively the same shot of the guy in the chair). Hard to credit you for a range of shots.
2:07 - the effect is too strong here; it's virtuall impossible to see what's going on
2:27 - use the same font for the titles
At the moment, this piece lacks variety and narrative coherence. You have only really used one shot-type (and indeed one shot) which makes it difficult to credit you for variety. The editing lacks slickness and there is little sense of rhythm. As you've pointed out, the soundtrack is unfinished, as are the credits. AT the moment, it would be hard to mark this beyond the bottom of L2.
To improve, as well as tidying up all of the above, you need to include more footage (at least one minute) which demonstrates a range of shots and effectively frames your narrative. What is going on? What is the story? I'm not sold on the effect you've used in the flashback sequences - it's a little too jarring - and you might want to try something else. The use of the guy in the chair is good, in moderation, but when you look at it in the round, it doesn't really meet all the requirements of the project.
0:00 - You will need to include studio and distributor idents at the start. Your first titles should reflect this (so, for example, "Warner Bros presents" and then "A so-and-so film"
ReplyDelete0:06 - What sound are you intending to use? Music, voiceover, combination of both?
0:20 - I would make the fades to and from black slightly longer. You also need to think about the other production credits you are going to use and where they are going to go
0:30 - if you are going to use (for example) the short flashes to solarization etc. you need to make more of them and they need to be emphasised on the soundtrack, otherwise they look a bit sloppy
0:39 - I'm not sure the lighting effect works because of the way the camera moves. Why are you using this effect? Is there another way of achieving the same goal?
0:47 - fade through black or through white? I think you need to be consistent with this. I also think the fades need to be longer. You need to find some appropriate (c) free music to create the requisite mood
1:05 - the editing here is a little sloppy (for example, at about 0:58 with the camera move or the jump-cut at about 1:04), unless you are going for an expressionistic/ jarring quality. Again, you are going to have to clean up the sound (for example, the click at about 0:50, the "go" at about 1:00, the wind in the background).
1:13 - I think you would be better advised to find a different way of cutting between the "past" and the present - the fade through white is a little cliched.
1:30 - You've not really got a huge variety of shots so far - everything has been medium/ medium cu (mostly, effectively the same shot of the guy in the chair). Hard to credit you for a range of shots.
2:07 - the effect is too strong here; it's virtuall impossible to see what's going on
2:27 - use the same font for the titles
At the moment, this piece lacks variety and narrative coherence. You have only really used one shot-type (and indeed one shot) which makes it difficult to credit you for variety. The editing lacks slickness and there is little sense of rhythm. As you've pointed out, the soundtrack is unfinished, as are the credits. AT the moment, it would be hard to mark this beyond the bottom of L2.
To improve, as well as tidying up all of the above, you need to include more footage (at least one minute) which demonstrates a range of shots and effectively frames your narrative. What is going on? What is the story? I'm not sold on the effect you've used in the flashback sequences - it's a little too jarring - and you might want to try something else. The use of the guy in the chair is good, in moderation, but when you look at it in the round, it doesn't really meet all the requirements of the project.